I was single when I had IVF. Every solo parent should have this right

The Scottish government is considering free IVF for single women – as a solo mother myself, I think the plans couldn’t come soon enough

As I approached 40 without meeting a suitable partner, I realised having a baby on my own using donor sperm might be my only route to motherhood. I also realised very early on that I’d get no help from the NHS. 
A cursory Google search informed me that over half of NHS England integrated care boards don’t include single women in their IVF policies, and those which do require us to prove infertility first by paying privately for between three and 12 cycles of intrauterine insemination (IUI), which can cost up to £1,600 per cycle. 
Tests showed my fertility was declining so I wasn’t interested in IUI, which is only a third as successful as IVF where eggs are extracted, fertilised with sperm to make embryos and transferred back into the womb. It meant I would have to pay for it myself – as every other solo mother I know has had to. 
Meanwhile, couples can access between one and three cycles of IVF, depending on their health authority.  
So I welcome this week’s news that the situation might be different for women like me in the future as a major step forward. Under proposals being considered by the Scottish government, single women there are to be offered free IVF. If the plans go ahead, they could pave the way to more widespread NHS assistance across the UK, ending what campaigners believe is discrimination against single women who want a family.
According to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), the number of single women seeking fertility treatment increased by 44 per cent between 2019 and 2021. In 2021, 2,800 single women in the UK underwent IVF. Solo motherhood is becoming an increasingly common choice for those who experience ‘social infertility’ – finding themselves without a partner and therefore unable to conceive without some form of assisted reproduction – and want to seize control of their circumstances. 
For me solo motherhood has been an empowering choice, but a very expensive one. The two cycles of IVF required to create my now four-year-old son cost around £15,000, including the £1,500 I spent on sperm from a Danish bank. 
I was fortunate to have savings and help from my parents, but that money could have gone towards the cripplingly expensive childcare I’ve had to fund over the past three and a half years and the myriad other expenses involved in raising a child. The cost of becoming pregnant means single women are on the back foot financially before we’ve even brought our babies home from hospital. 
Aisling Connaughton is also single and has just spent £7,000 on a cycle of egg freezing at The Evewell Clinic in London. She previously had a negative experience at a different clinic where, she says: “They made a lot of mistakes and I felt totally ripped off; I had to fight the clinic and eventually got a refund. It made me realise that when you’re having to navigate the world of private fertility treatment at a time when you’re vulnerable, you can face exploitation.”
Connaughton, 39, is currently considering whether she can afford another cycle, this time to freeze embryos to increase her chances of conceiving. She established her sustainability consultancy, Cyd Connects, three years ago and says: “All my savings went into the business, so financially it sometimes feels like a decision between birthing a baby or a business. If I could get an IVF cycle on the NHS it would make a massive difference, and it feels very unfair that I don’t qualify just because I haven’t met the right person.”
The barriers to NHS help also contributes to the stigma which lingers around solo motherhood; a finger-wagging sense that it’s not something society should encourage. Research reveals that there are no differences in parenting quality or child adjustment between solo mother families and two-parent families. Really wanting to be a parent is what counts, it turns out.   
Dr Larisa Corda, an obstetrician and gynaecologist and the author of The Conception Plan, hopes the new proposals will help dismantle those prejudices. “It’s been a long time coming,” she says. “More women are making this choice, and I think we should see that as positive – they no longer feel they have to settle down with someone who may not be right just so they can have a child, as previous generations of women did. 
“They are usually making a conscientious decision which should be rewarded, rather than penalised. If they are provided with the technologies required to help them become mothers, they can focus their financial efforts on the support they’ll need when their child is born – which will be to everyone’s benefit.”
Currently, the prohibitive cost of fertility treatment is driving increasing numbers of women to seek sperm donors online, where the practice is unregulated and risky. On dedicated Facebook donation groups, sexual harassment is rife, and many men offer ‘NI’: natural insemination, AKA sex. Unlike at regulated clinics, sperm isn’t screened for diseases, there’s no legally binding agreement in place and limits on how many times someone can donate – in Britain, donors can create up to 10 families – do not apply.
“If using a regulated sperm bank and having treatment at a clinic is beyond women’s financial means, it’s not surprising that some are going to feel forced into a situation where they’re putting themselves at risk,” says Dr Corda. “Treatment on the NHS would help to minimise unregulated donation, which is really important.”
Single women are still just a fraction of those seeking IVF. Funding us and treating us equally to everyone else would hardly break the bank, but it could go a long way in acknowledging a societal change that is only going to keep growing. 
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